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Discipline...and memories

Posted on Mon Jun 6, 2016 @ 6:32pm by Lieutenant Taavis

Mission: Tigris Shakedown
Location: quarters
Timeline: somewhere in-between


From a deep and peaceful place of being, Taavis allowed her consciousness to rise, mentally observing the changes within as the colorless layers fell away. No awareness, then her own deep breathing, her heart beat and the sensation of returning from abstract to form. No time or activity, then an understanding of movement and acknowledgement of the inevitable.

Taavis, alone in her quarters, remained just below the surface of her individual reality, allowing streams of unmolded thought and feeling to enter her mind. Feelings and thoughts that she would note but not take part in, observe and let pass. This basic meditation was taught to Vulcan children, a part of the training process most discarded before reaching physical maturity. However, due to her mixed parentage, Taavis regularly included the meditation as a part of her daily routine.

With the arrival of Sean Byrnes aboard the Tigris, Taavis found an understandable connection between past and present, there being the common element of friendship and intimacy insofar as Vulcan neuro-pressure allowed. Clothing was usually shed for the pressure point massage, and being Vulcan, Taavis had no issue being naked in front of a partner. But, her memories of the man affectionately known as "Shack" by his fellow engineers at Planetia, were vividly in her mind. He had always kept his boxer briefs on, but being that close to a virulent male had caused a stirring within her, and then add in her touching him, it brought the past and present together in her mind. Taavis was experiencing a difficulty in suppressing those memories, and had been the catalyst for this morning's observance meditation.

Thought without form, feeling transformed into thought. The sound of his voice. Taavis remembered, recalling the physical sensations when he had spoken in soft tones to her while going through the massage. The powerful lilt of promise beneath his words. The internal discord aroused when he had stopped the neuro-pressure sessions many months in the past.

Observed and released. The touch of his hands. Inflamed senses, and the creation of conflict by physical contact. The creation of hunger, of wistfulness, his own emanations feeding hers--and her private displeasure. Taavis had allowed the erosion of her discipline...and the acceptance that at the time, at the shock of his cool fingers on her warm flesh, she had not cared.

Thoughts moved past her, away from her. Taavis had been relieved when he had stated that the massages were no longer necessary. The final personal outcome, that both of them had returned to the comforts of individual and cultural identity, finding solace in the self-assigned roles each had chosen long before they had ever met. He was now back in an engine room, and Taavis was back to her sciences.

Observed, and excised, surely. To maintain the Vulcan discipline, to truly control oneself as an extension of intellect rather than emotion, it was often necessary to recognize the existence of the alternative. Because of who and what she was, it would likely always take some effort to recognize emotion without yielding to it. And, judging herself harshly for her failures was an emotional indulgence in and of itself. Taavis must observe and learn, recognize and allow to pass.

Taavis considered all of the key elements; and at present, found that further contemplation would likely prove ineffectual. She closed the meditation, releasing the thoughts and restating the essence of her discipline before taking the last step back to full awareness. She opened her eyes and was again connected to herself as Taavis, a woman of science and of self-control, Assistant Science Chief of the USS Tigris. Her shift beginning in less than an hour, Taavis stood and went to prepare.



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